Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Down To 2

It finally happened, a replacement was found for one of my paper routes. I went down to 2 routes about a week ago. Although I was not happy how things went down to lose a route, I can honestly say the change has been welcomed. I have been given back an hour of my day. I wish I can say that has been the case for the past week, but it hasn't. Another snow storm had blown through and dumped another foot of snow which made for longer delivery times on a couple of occasions. Still, if there was third route in the mix - I'd be a cranky boy. However, today was great! I was done in 2 hours and was able to get out to my real job earlier than normal. All is good in my world today.
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Don't know why, but I feel like I need to schedule out this extra hour a day that I have now. Exercise maybe...or sleep. I'll have to think about this one.

Friday, January 23, 2009

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally , the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear " the Rules " From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
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These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
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1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
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1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
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1. Crying is blackmail.
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1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
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1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
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1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
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1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
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1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
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1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
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1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
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1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials...
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1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
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1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
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1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
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1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
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1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
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1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
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1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
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1. You have enough clothes.
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1. You have too many shoes.
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1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
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1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
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Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

That's What She Said!

From "The Office", a joke that has stood the test of time. Sad to say, I think I will always find it hilarious. A montage of sorts. "That's what she said!"

A Small Request



"This is the cutest breast cancer email I have ever received."
All you are asked to do is to keep this CIRCULATING.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

In Need Of A Butt Doctor...

So in hopes to initiate my "Road to Fitness and Health", I decided its about time to do something. I've been talking about it as long as I can remember, but in the back of my head, I had always given myself the excuse that "I was too busy...", and maybe "I'd start up next week...". This has gone on 6 months or so now. Last Saturday morning was the first in several Basketball games to be played through my church. I glady committed myself to play as I figured that would probably be a good way to start some sort of routine that I have yet to implement. Having been up all morning anyway flinging newspapers, I was trying to muster up a good reason not to go, "Uh...I've been up since 2:30 am, I am too tired to play...". It almost worked too. But I managed to talk myself into. I could only stand calling my self Fatty, Lard Butt, etc..(and a few explicits) before I made myself mad enough to hop in the car and go.
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I showed up, pumped up and ready to jam on down the court. I was welcomed by my other 30-40-50 something year old team mates. It was time to start and I was offered the floor to another player, "You go ahead...I'll go in next quarter" Really, I was freaked out at the thought of actually going through with this. I mean, I probably have not really played Basketball for 20 years or so. Sure, I have shot hoops in the driveway with my kids...but never on a team - never against a team.
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First quarter ended, a team member came off the court breathing heavy, looking like he just got the snot kicked out of him. "Go in for me...", he said between inhales (I don't remember him exhaling). Alright, I was in. Running back and forth a couple of minutes and I did not feel winded at all. Things were looking good, until someone through me the ball. Should I pass or should I shoot? I had to think fast. If I missed, so what - what would I have to lose. I have looked like an idiot on several occasions in throughout my life. I took the shot. Whoosh! One of those slow mo moments like you see in in the movies. It went in! I was ecstatic! Screaming on the inside, "I can do this, I really can!!!"
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A few minutes later, I found myself in the middle of a clump of sweaty old guys trying to get the rebound. I jumped, got pushed in mid air, and landed smack down on my tail bone. The pain was unmeasurable as I could feel my spine come shooting out of my throat. My first reaction normally would've been to blurt out some obscenities, but quickly remembered that even though I was in the gym, I was still in the "House Of The Lord". I am not saying I wasn't thinking it, I just kept myself from saying it. I slowly gathered my composure, looked over at the bench to see if someone was going to come in for me, but their eyes were turned down to the other end of the court, focusing on the game. I decided I could work the pain out of my system by continuing to play. I finished that quarter, and played another. My kids came to watch Dad, I think that made the whole situation more bearable. Something about having the kids around tends to always make even the worst of situations o.k. My son spoke up, "Dad...I think you need a butt doctor." That I did. I did not make another basket, but I did last through the third quarter. We won. After that, I was done. Or was I?
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I spent the weekend in extreme pain, unable to walk like a normal homosapien, let alone sleep or do anything else productive.
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Last night, there was another game. It being a night game, I didn't think we would have a good turn out on my team. Didn't think that anyone would remember, or wouldn't get home from work in time, etc... I thought I could easily wimp out of this one as well. "Oooh, I am still too sore to play..." But I didn't. I actually looked forwarded to going. Turns out, we had enough guys show up that we could've had three teams. Guess everyone heard how fun Saturdays game was. Great, there was enough guys there that I wouldn't have to put myself through any physical strain. Wrong. Something about peer pressure, even at church, got the best of me. I played. Again I made one shot. But one quarter was enough for me. I wanted to die, but felt a sense of achievement for being there and participating. It was a great game. We tied the game with 3 seconds left on the clock and went into "Overtime". From there, we went on to win another game. Is there another game this week? I sure as hell hope not. Ow. Ow. Ow.
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A movie about Basketball within my church came out a couple years back. It was a little entertaining. Probably 3 out of 5. I only watched it because Gary Coleman from "Different Strokes" was in it. Click HERE to view the trailer.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Miracle on the Hudson



Miracle on the Hudson
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The governor was right. It was a miracle on the Hudson.
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That’s the only thing that can explain how a powerless airliner hurtling over New York City ends up not leaving a wake of death and carnage.
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When you’re hot and heavy and all of a sudden there’s no thrust, you’re a crater waiting to happen. You’re a fuel-laden missile about to splatter yourself across a highrise neighborhood.
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They’re going to print your name in the obituaries.
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But it didn’t end that way.
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US Airways flight 1549 banked hard left and took a bead on the Hudson River and two minutes later there were businessmen standing on the wings, up to their shins in water.
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And that’s a miracle.
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A genuine God-did-it miracle. One of those defy-the-odds things that can only be explained by pointing skyward with a grateful sigh.
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But like most of God’s handiwork, he used man to do it. This isn’t to deny the divine, but rather to point it out in all of us. To make the case that most angels look like you and me, and the only ones with wings tend to wear them pinned to their chest.
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On the coldest day of the year, God called some people to do their best, to be excellent. And with his support, they were.
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Like the pilot. A white haired man with an Air Force Academy ring and more seat time than most people have been alive. His entire adult life has been spent as an aviator, from a hot little fighter to a big lumbering airliner.
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If the pilot had been less prepared and less competent, if he were less decisive and commanding, this would have been a massacre, not a miracle. He had to thread a needle, to squeeze as much distance and maneuverability out of a glide ratio as he could.
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And he had to take that falling rock out of the sky over America’s largest city, steering it away from a mass of humanity stacked floor on top of floor in skyscraper after skyscraper. He had to save lives in the air, but first he had to save lives on the ground.
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And it played out like a training video.
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The silent jet arced hard left and lined up perfectly on the shipping channel, straight and steady with a nose up just before contact, settling onto the surface of the water like a duck coming in at 120 miles an hour.
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God’s miracle needed the pilot to be perfect. It was a moment he’d been preparing for for more than 30 years.
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The pilot was God’s partner. And so were the plane’s designers and builders, and the mechanics who maintained it. Their combined efforts enabled the airframe to take stresses that would have snapped a lesser craft in two.
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The miracle continued moments after the slamming splash as flight attendants and bold passengers led a steady and rapid evacuation. So many ways to do it wrong, just one way to do it right, and they nailed it.
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And across the river a ferryman swung his boat hard to take a bearing on the foundering plane and pushed his diesel engines to full-speed ahead. Here and there and elsewhere other vessels likewise swung about and steamed to the rescue. Boat passengers gathered life vests and ropes and flung them to airplane passengers slowly sinking into the Hudson.
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In firehouses and ambulance bays across Manhattan, alarms sounded and people in turnout gear headed for the piers. A police helicopter took off and shortly thereafter dropped frogmen into the water.
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It was a floating scene, the gradually sinking airliner and a gaggle of rescue boats encircling it, moving to the sea in the swollen Hudson current. Before they secured the plane, it had drifted some four miles from where it splashed down.
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The airline passengers were taken off their plane in rafts or ropes, or they stepped directly onto the fantails of the hovering ferries and water taxis. One passenger had broken legs and a flight attendant had some cuts and some others were shivering from the cold, but within minutes they walked into buildings or buses or the backs of ambulances. They wore towels or Mae Wests or the tactical PFDs of their professional rescuers. Some had little yellow airline lifevests sticking oddly from their necks.
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But they all lived.
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Every single one of them.
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Very few needed even the slightest medical care. The alerted hospitals, standing by for mass casualties, waited for patients who didn’t come.
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It was a miracle.
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And, yes, God did it. But he had a lot of partners.
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Ordinary people who in the blink of an eye yesterday afternoon responded with courage, calm and skill. Ordinary people who played their roles perfectly. Ordinary people whose preparedness and clear-headed willingness to help, empowered by unquestionable excellence, averted one of the worst air disasters of our generation.
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That was done by ordinary people who were an instrument in the hand of God.
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The governor was right. It was a miracle on the Hudson.

The Elves Are Pissed


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Keebler Peanut Butter Crackers Recall
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The Elves are pissed.

Due to Peanut Corp. of America issuing a recall lateTuesday for 21 lots of peanut butter made since July 1 at its plantin Blakely, Ga., (because of possible salmonella contamination), Keebler has started pulling peanut butter crackers off the shelves. Peanut Corp. of America supplies peanut paste to Kellogg, which on Wednesday asked stores nationwide to pull peanut butter crackers sold under the Austin and Keebler brands.
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The products being pulled include Austin and Keebler toastedpeanut butter sandwich crackers, peanut butter and jelly sandwichcrackers, cheese and peanut butter sandwich crackers, and peanutbutter-chocolate sandwich crackers. Customers and stores are askedto hold onto the Kellogg products, but not eat them, until aninvestigation is complete.
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The FDA said Kellogg's move is known as a stop-sale order and isn't as serious as a recall. Neither the FDA nor a Kellogg spokesman could say how many units were involved, but a FDA spokesperson said, "It's a very large volume." A Kellogg spokesman said federal investigators visited company facilities this week.
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The Peanut Corp. recall was issued after an open container ofKing Nut peanut butter in a long-term care facility in Minnesotawas found to contain a strain of salmonella. Health officials hadrecommended nursing homes, hospitals, schools, universities andrestaurants discard containers of peanut butter linked to theoutbreak. The peanut butter was in containers between 5 and 50pounds.

The McRib




McDonald's McRib...I really don't care what its made out of. I am just glad its back.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause


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I didn’t blog much or at all over the Christmas break. I did have an encounter or 2…or 3 that had caught me quite off guard early Christmas morning. I had debated whether or not to blog about this, but it seemed almost appropriate and that there was a message of some sort to be told. I will try to only give generalities as divulging any specifics might force some to never return to this blog.
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Warning: Though trying to make the following as “family friendly” as possible…I don’t know if I can. You might want to stop reading…now. But now that I have everyone’s curiosity peaked, go ahead - read on… ;)
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When one commits him or herself to become a newspaper carrier, one quickly comes to the realization that there is no such thing as a day off. If you do need time off, for a vacation or what not, it’s your responsibility to find a suitable “sucker” to cover for you. Needless to say, it is impossible to find such a “sucker” to fill your shoes on Christmas morning. So, a few weeks ago marked my second opportunity to deliver newspapers Christmas morning. I’d rather have been in bed.
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The first time, in 2007, I remember vividly driving around early to make the deliveries. It was freezing, it was snowing, and the wind was blowing. I was absolutely miserable and at the time swore that this was the first and last time I’d be spending this holiday in this fashion. During this brief little snow storm, I was being targeted by a police officer. I knew he was following me, trying to be discreet…but he wasn’t as sly as he thought he was. With the wind blowing the snow and making the visibility almost non existent, at the distance he was trying to keep, the officer could not see that I was throwing newspapers. He just saw that I was driving slowly through the neighborhoods. After being tracked for 45 minutes, he kicked on the red and blues, pulled me over, and we had a very brief conversation to clarify what I was doing. “Believe me officer – this is the last place I’d like to be at the moment.” I offered him a complimentary newspaper and we parted ways. I finished my duties and made my way home. Tired, worn out, not feeling anything…I wanted to sleep through Christmas Day.
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Christmas delivery 2008: I was expecting it to go basically the same way as the previous year. We had already had a good drop of snow, and there was more forecasted to come Christmas Eve. I was already dreading the inevitable. My wife and kids came home from the annual feast at the in-laws; as usual I was exhausted and passed out on the living room floor. I only intended to take a 30 min power nap as I wanted to participate in our traditional reading of “The Night before Christmas”, set milk and cookies out for Santa, and tuck the kids into bed. I missed it. I missed it all. My wife could see I was spent and decided to let me sleep. Bless her heart, but I felt like a complete ass of a father not being able to take part in these little things like reading a story and putting out refreshments for the “guy in red”. I think…I got up around 9:30 pm. Splashed water on my face and took off in my car to the next town over to pick up the 700 plus newspapers that needed to find their way to the 700 plus homes Christmas morn. I bet there were probably 700 plus subscribers that couldn’t give a hoot about receiving a newspaper this one day of the year. But who’s to say? The only upside of delivering on a holiday, is that we can pick them up around 10 pm so we can get done early, so we can be at home when the little ones want to open presents.
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My plan was to go deliver for an hour, come home when the kids have gone to sleep, help my wife “set things up”, then go back out and finish. Hopefully, I would make it back home in time to catch some sleep before the kids wanted to see what Santa had brought. This year was quite different from the last. It was relatively early when I set out for the first round of distribution. There were still a lot of cars out on the road. This forced me to drive slow and be more cautious and did not allow me to navigate the streets in my usual Mario Andretti style of driving. I was listening to the local radio station that plays Christmas music 24/7 from Thanksgiving to New Years. For some reason, this had done wonders for me this season. Between these two Holidays, the radio had force fed me what I needed this year to feel that Christmas spirit. To listen to songs about Christ, Christmas, Family, and everything else that makes this time of year so special - really set my attitude for this night. It was peaceful. With the chaotic craziness that life brings daily I was OK being out doing what I had to do. I was at peace.
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Making my way through the streets, and to each house, I watched as families prepared for Christmas morning. I watched as pickups were being unloaded into garages. Ping Pong tables, Bicycles, and even some huge boxes I could not recognize. I am sure that whatever it was, it was good. I observed parents loading out gift wrapped packages. Just about every home had the blinds open and I could see all of the elves in every household working feverishly to get things set up before tired eyes would catch them in the act. It was an awesome sight to see. My cell phone rang. It was time for me to stop what I was doing and to go home, so I – with my wife, could work our magic.
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By the time I got home, my wife was close to completion. This turned out to be a good thing as I had not even begun to wrap her presents. I still had much to do. We finished up for the kids. My wife went to bed and I frantically tried to hurry to finish up what I should’ve had done weeks earlier. When I was done, I turned off the lights and headed back out to deliver the remaining newspapers still sitting out in my car.
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It was shortly after 1:00 am. The hustle and bustle of the neighbor hoods had quieted down. The next wave of snow had begun to float down ever so lightly. It was a beautiful night. Every house that normally would have its Christmas lights off by bedtime had left them on until Christmas morning. Every Christmas tree was lit up in all its glory for the world to see. But really, who would be up at this hour to relish in the beauty that the decorations of this Holiday would have to offer?
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That would be me I guess, the Paperboy.
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I was alone with my favorite Christmas hits on the radio. Driving through the streets at a snails pace, I was thinking about how only in a matter of 3, 4, maybe 5 hours, that children would be waking up to the sight of what Santa had left for them. How much happiness would be going through this small town of mine…From the children opening up gifts they had so eagerly waited for, to the parents who receive their joy from just watching the expressions of their children as they tear through all the goodness. I was definitely excited to get home. Yes, deep down I was excited to only be able to catch a couple of hours of sleep tonight. I was giddy in anticipation for what the morning would bring.

This one street in particular was lit up in wonder that could be compared to Disney’s Main Street Electrical Parade as seen at Disneyland. Making my way down one side of the street, I caught at the corner of my eye the knocking of someone’s Christmas tree on the opposite side of the street. Knowing that when I reach the end, I would be flipping a u-turn to deliver the other side, and decided I would hesitantly investigate. Why would I investigate do you ask. In my small Podunk town, there had recently been a series of break-ins. Most of the time, the houses that were targeted were done so on Sundays, usually during the time that people would be at church. The homes for the most part were occupied by the elderly. There have been approximately 30 homes that have had police reports filed on. When I heard about this, I swore to myself that I would unleash havoc on any individuals that would cross my path doing the unmentionable. It’s just not cool to be robbing people’s houses…especially on Christmas morning. I wasn’t going to stand for it.
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Coming back around to the other side, I approached this house that was a subscriber or this particular newspaper. I decided that this house would get its paper porched even though it’s not service I care to provide. I got out of my car and walked up towards the house. I noticed the Christmas tree in the window still looked like it was getting knocked and feared that the Grinch was her stealing presents from the Who’s down in Who-Ville. What was I going to do? Really. I had no idea. I just thought I would see where the adrenaline would take me. With newspaper in hand I crept up to the living room window of this home. Slowly I raised my head to attempt to peer though this window unnoticed…and I succeeded. But this house was not being burglarized…
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What to my wondering eyes should appear? I saw Mommy kissing Santa Clause. I saw Mommy on top of Santa Clause surrounded by towers of presents. I saw more than what I had ever expected on seeing. It was one of those unforeseen occasions when time seems to stand still. It was a double-take moment because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I had to oh so quietly back track to my car that was waiting in idle. Not realizing until after the fact that the radio was up quiet loud considering there were no other noises in the neighborhood. Frankly, I am amazed I went unseen. As I silently got back into my car I remember the only thing going through my mind as I snickered to myself was, “Good for them…good for them”. I continued on…
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What are the odds to come across something like that? Someone should’ve been placing bets as this was not the last encounter of the night. If fact, there were 2 more similar witnessing. The next was no more than 20 minutes later. The particular house has a garage that is facing the side of the house with an adjacent kitchen…window…that the blinds were…open. You would think if people wanted their intimate moments kept private, they would convene in an area of their home that is not open to the rest of the world. Anyhow, I came whipping around the corner of this house into the driveway to toss in the paper as usual. And again, I saw another Mommy kissing another Santa Clause. If Mommy had anything on, I would’ve assumed that she was doing dishes and Santa was drying them. Uh-uh. It took them long enough to notice me, but I guess when in the middle of it all…you’re not really paying attention to anything going on around you. I left as quickly as I pulled into the driveway. “Good for them.” I continued on…
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With only 15 or 20 houses left I came upon yet another active household. With my high-beams on I drove onto another driveway, which its angle upon hitting it positioned my car lights to shine directly into a darkened room. And here is where Mommy was modeling the latest in North Pole sleepwear for Santa…”Good for them.”
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I finished my routes and proceeded to drive home enjoying the scene of the snowflakes falling within the illumination of the streetlights, making a conscience effort to no longer gaze at the houses with their festive decorations on the side of the road. I am not some sick “Peeping Tom” that uses his paper routes as a means to peer into the lives of others. It was just circumstance. That is how the cards were dealt this night. The stars must have been in alignment or something. Finally making it home, I tip-toed upstairs to peel back the covers to get what few moments of shut-eye I could before the kids woke up. Before I passed out, I thought of the Parents unloading trucks with Ping Pong tables and bicycles, the rush to set up Christmas before kids woke up, the joy of the kids waking up to see their presents, and the joy that the parents see when they watch their children. And yes, I also thought of the few situations I had found myself in, watching what appear to be an episode of animal planet and the reproduction of different species. All I could think was, “There is definitely something good going on in the world tonight.”
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One last note: One of these couples no longer subscribe to this newspaper I deliver. Can’t understand why?....

Monday, January 12, 2009

It's All A Matter Of Time...

It's all a matter of time before everyone gets their news online and there will be nothing left to deliver...
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Monday, 12 January 2009
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Herald to publish classified ads Wednesdays through Sundays
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Daily Herald
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Beginning this week, the Daily Herald will publish its Classified Marketplace section Wednesday through Sunday only -- our highest days for readership. Classifieds will no longer be published in Monday and Tuesday print editions but will continue to be available online at heraldextra.com. With the change, news content will be consolidated on Mondays and Tuesdays into two sections. All the Herald's local reporting will continue as usual, and all the regular features that readers have come to expect -- comics, puzzles, obituaries, TV listings, etc. -- will continue to be published every day.
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These changes are designed to provide the best results for customers while reducing the cost of newsprint during the current economic downturn.
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-- Randy Wright Executive Editor
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The online forum reads...
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utocoman! says: "Will it be enough for you to keep your job Randy?"
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Dogbert says: "Hopefully not."
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Expectations Of A Carrier...

Ever since the snow fell right before Christmas, the weather conditions down where I live have pretty much been ideal for a winter wonderland but not so for a Paperboy. I do not think that the city in which I live feels like it is very important to plow the roads. If they do plow anything, it is only in areas that the city might feel a law suit might emerge from. Such as, the road in front of the City Building and around the corner to where the Elementary School is at. If anything else gets plowed, the locals usually will take care of what they can with tractors or 4 wheelers or anything else they can resurrect from behind the stables.
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As a carrier, it is my responsibility to get the customer their newspaper. However, delivering in somewhat unpleasant driving conditions it is not always possible to deliver to the customers satisfaction. It is utterly impossible to satisfy some customers even on a clear summers morning. There are those that wish to have their paper delivered to them on a silver platter with a cup of coffee and a dozen Krispy Kreme's finest...and if I have time, they would have me stick around to give them a foot massage and draw a bath...ugh...
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So, I guess what I am getting at, is some people can just be a pain in the arse. And when the weather gets really bad, the expectations become even greater. I can only do, what I can do. I can only do my best even though my best may not be good enough. Not only do the expectations of a few customers become greater, but so does the expectations of the higher muckety mucks at the Newspaper.
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The Newspaper, wants to guarantee customer satisfaction at any cost. They do not care if there is another 12 inches of fresh snow on top of the 12 inches of chunky ice on undriveable roads. They do not care if it is a white out. They do not care if it is 12 below zero and our vehicles do not want to start. They do not care the dangers that fall into the lap of the Carriers as long as the paper gets delivered...to the customer...on time. It is an absolute joke. This is why there is such a high turn over rate with Newspaper carriers.
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If a carrier slips on the ice...who pays for the Chiropractor.
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If a carrier slides of the road into a ditch...who pays for the Tow Trucks?
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If a carrier catches pneumonia...who pays for the visit to the Doctor and Medicine?
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If a carrier crashes into something...who pays for the damages?
(car insurance does not cover paper delivery accidents)
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The answer...the carrier pays for it all. Yet we are expected to go above and beyond. I'd think the paper would be a little understanding when the weather is bad. But they are not. Do I sound a bit bitter? I am. During the past few weeks, I've been getting up and doing my best under the circumstances, yet there have been a few (maybe 20 out of 450 customers) that have called the paper complaining about their service. I understand...I am the one delivering. They have pushed the right buttons of the higher muckety mucks, that the individual at the Newspaper over the carriers has found it necessary to relieve me from one of my paper routes feeling like I can not take care of the customers good enough. They can bite me...I hope they are reading this. I have been ready to drop one of my routes for sometime, but wanted to do it on my terms. I guess it is time...or is it.
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This is the kicker...they want me to continue to deliver until a suitable replacement can be found. I am an idiot that will do it too, for the money. (I will do just about anything for money.) But then again, I am the idiot that has done it for two and a half years. I am the idiot who had a Hernia and showed up the next day on time. I am the idiot who had second and third degree burns on my face from a chemical burn, and I was still there the next day to deliver papers. My dedication to better my financial situation has turned me into an idiot. I am reliable and carry a smile even on the worst of days, but if the Newspaper can not cut me some slack through a couple of snowstorms...c'mon.
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Anyway, when the day comes when a replacement takes over one of my routes, I will probably get 10 more hours of sleep a week. It might be enough to spring me into something bigger and greater...we'll see what happens...blah, blah, blah...just had to vent. My apologies.

Pessimism


Hamster Penetration?



My wife and I have an appointment to see a fertility specialist tomorrow. This past weekend when I got past the point of doing anything productive around the house, my wife gave me some forms that I needed to fill out prior to our visit. Overly exhausted from the week, I began looking at a form that had a series of procedures and check boxes next to them. I saw the usual semen analysis, etc... Suddenly something jumped out at me. The term "Hamster Penetration". What the ...? I am not checking that box!!! Scared of the possibilities, I had to Google. This is what came up...
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The Hamster Egg Penetration Test
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Sometimes healthcare providers will perform an experiment to see if the man’s sperm can successfully penetrate the woman’s egg. To do this, the sperm is actually tested with a specially prepared hamster egg (the human sperm do not actually ‘fertilize’ the hamster egg). The ability of the sperm to bind to the egg and achieve penetration is measured. If there is good penetration in the test situation, there is a good chance the sperm are capable of inseminating a human egg.
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I am relieved. You can only imagine what was going through my head. To see those two words, Hamster and Penetration in the same phrase almost sent me running. But thanks to Google, I have calmed myself, and I am a little bit smarter.

Wow Factor 10 - Fire Rainbow

This is a Fire Rainbow

The rarest of all naturally occurring atmospheric phenomena...

The picture was captured on the Idaho / Washington border.
The event lasted about 1 hour.

Clouds have to be cirrus, at least 20k feet in the air,
With just the right amount of ice crystals,
And the sun has to hit the clouds at precisely 58 degrees.



God's handiwork. Beautiful sight! Pass along for others to see!

Wow Factor 10 - Northern Lights

Northern Lights over Yellow Knife Canada










Friday, January 9, 2009

It's Friday, Enjoy These Thoughts...

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately -- illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida ...
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--not me -- I concentrate on solutions for the problems
-- it's a win-win situation.
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* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
* Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees.
* Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
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And think about this:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
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COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
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THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .... why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
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THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this -- you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ... it creates a hostile work environment.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Sunday Paper

This email fwd I recieved the other day hit a little close to home. I do not understand what it is with "the elderly" and their newspaper. Do they actually read it? Do they just need one more thing to complain about? What do they do with it...
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Sunday Paper
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For all of us who are seniors - for all of you who know seniors - and for all of you who will be seniors. It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are!
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And, speaking of senior moments:
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"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was.
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"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
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There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter,

"Well, sh!t... so that's why no one was at church today".

Let It Continue...

Funny, thinking when one takes a Holiday break, there would be alot of time to spend blogging. Wrong. Over the holiday break I was extremely busy doing everything and nothing if that makes any sense. Now that the new year has begun and the holidays are over, life continues on...whether we want it to or not.